Ghosting: The New, Cruel Dating Phenomenon

Despite what the title may suggest, I’d like to clarify that this article has nothing to do with Halloween. It has also nothing to do with ghosts. It’s merely young people speak for a guy (or girl) who disappears from your life with no warning. I’m talking about the brutal and perplexing scenario wherein someone you’ve been dating ceases all communication with you in lightning speed. ABRACADABRA! Poof! GHOST. Hermione has nothing on this spell here.

For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know what ghosting is, let me give you a scenario: Imagine you’ve been dating a guy; you’ve been spending time together- not the booty call spending time. You’ve been going to food places together; you’ve possibly been calling each other at night (Yes phone calls are a big thing people! So are letters!). You’ve pretty much got to the stage where you know he likes his eggs scrambled and he knows you like your tea with two sugars (What Diabetes?). You probably even possess one of his T-Shirts. And then for whatever reason, he performs a disappearing act that even Houdini would be proud of! Voila. ABRACADABRA! Poof! GHOST: he’s gone! Yeah I know right? It Sucks.

I’m not saying I’ve been there or anything. The scenario above is simply anecdotal...

I’ve totally been there; twice! I’ve been ghosted a couple of times and believe me it doesn’t get easier. Perhaps not as severe as being jilted at the altar. But nonetheless heart wrenching.

What not to Do:

1) Blame yourself

Being ghosted may leave you questioning your self-worth. Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not worth an explanation? Could I have done something different? Was I too nice? Was I too boring? Did our time mean nothing?

Ghost these thoughts like he ghosted you.

2) Make Excuses for him

Initially thinking “Is he alive? Maybe he is on his death bed and I’m just being insensitive. Maybe I should make him a get well soon hamper and include his favourite snacks and yoghurt in it and leave it at his door until his resurrection. Maybe I should ask his friends if he’s ok. He doesn’t have to text me back; he’s not my boyfriend”. Ghost these thoughts. He is alive, he’s just playing hide and seek with no intentions of being found.

What to Do:

1) Remind yourself that you are amazing.

Undoubtedly sounds hard. You can’t help but think “How can I possibly be that amazing if a guy I really like considers me unworthy of a simple ‘It’s not working out’ text”.

2) MOVE ON. I know, sounds even harder. I don’t mean move on to the next guy. I mean move on from the situation. Do things that you enjoy doing alone: hang out with friends, finish that book you kept putting off, start running, work on your hobbies. The list is endless.

As a two- time winner of the Ghostee Awards (it’s a thing, don’t question it, we all have to excel at something) I’ll leave this advice: if you feel like contacting the guy who ghosted you, DO NOT. He made his choice and it was not you. This is unquestionably brutal, but I am the expert ghostee here and hours of burying myself in online articles and reading “He’s Just Not That In To You” made this all the more clearer. After all, do you really want to be contacting someone who didn’t value you or respect you enough to call you? He’s done you a favour because clearly he is not worth your amazing self.

So despite the idea that “adults” should have respect for one another or offer you explanations and be honest with you, the world unfortunately isn’t as rosey as we’d like it to be. And also remember in the words of TUPAC, “That which doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger!”

Tanaka x